When Jesus is enough

At the beginning of 2021, my husband and I sat down with our children and made personal goals for the year. I remember these words “be more present” repeating over and over in my mind. As I listened to the words, I asked God for confirmation. The next several weeks were silent. As my relationship with Jesus grew, I began to understand His silence is intentional, He was going to reveal His plan for me in His timing.

As I continue to grow close to Jesus, I love His unconditional and unwavering love for me. I love His desire to have a relationship with me. I love that He wants all of me. I love that He wants to show me all the wonderful things He has created for me.

A few weeks after the words “be more present” came to me, my husband and I started talking about my role in our family. I worked full time as a cardiac nurse and the stress of working through COVID was wearing on me. I was upset, angry, and disappointed in our health care system. I struggled with my role as a wife and mother. I felt emotionally unavailable for those most important to me. My job took all of me and I had nothing left to give. My husband suggested that I quit work so I can “be more present” at home and with our family. My heart was ready.

I knew this was God, so I said, “Yes, Lord”.

“Peace, sweet peace as His gentle voice reaches out to me. Sweet Peace, holds me when I’m broken.” https://youtu.be/uW6xcmqfiY4 (lyrics from “Peace” by Bethel Music)

I turned in my notice at work and I prayed. I worshiped. I bowed down as I was still. One month later, I got a phone call that my ex-husband, the biological father of my oldest two children, my abuser, had passed away. I was unsure of how I was supposed to feel knowing the man who abused me for years and left scars that I still deal with today was dead. Even though were were without contact for the past 13 years, I still worried about how my oldest two would handle this news.

Would they feel like they never had closure?

Would they question our (mine and my husband, Brant’s) decision to keep them out of his life to keep them safe?

I was angry. Here again, he was causing pain and uncertainty in our life. How was I going to protect them?

I felt God wrapping His loving arms around me as He gently whispered, “Pray, worship Me, be still and let Me take care of this.”

I said, “Yes, Lord.”

My husband and I spent the next month, along with our family and friends, praying over Hunter and Kayla, asking Jesus to prepare their hearts for this news.

As we waited and prayed, I loved having this time with my sweet husband and amazing family and friends. The love and encouragement we received was a precious reminder of how much we need others and how we are not designed to walk alone in our trials. I began thanking Jesus over and over that He removed the distraction of my JOB so I could have this time to “be more present”. A month later we told the kids the news and Jesus met us there, holding us as we talked over everything.

Was this why God had asked me to “be more present”? Little did I know, there was more…

A few weeks after we settled in with the news about Hunter and Kayla’s biological father and worked through our feeling and emotions, I get a call from my sister that my mom was on her way to the hospital. She was having left sided weakness and we soon found out that she suffered a stroke. The MRI revealed a brain tumor. They started prepping her for surgery.

That same week I would drop my oldest off at college for the first time.

I remember leaving a piece of my heart in Knoxville, Tennessee and worrying about not being able to be near. To protect him. So many emotions were overwhelming me as I grieved my son leaving home at the same time worrying about the outcome of my mom’s health.

God says, “Give him to me.”

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

After leaving my son to start his freshman year at UT Knoxville, I say my goodbyes to my husband and two daughters as I drove to NC to be with my mom. She was having surgery that day to remove the brain tumor.

Jesus again whispers, “Talk to me, worship me” as I made the two hour drive, alone.

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

I got to the hospital, the tumor was successfully removed, but she was left with left sided paralysis. Her memory was also slowly slipping from dementia. Here is a woman who was left broken from her pasted and never experienced love growing up. She never knew how to love. She too grew up unwanted and unloved.

Jesus says to me, “Go serve her.”

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

As I bathed my mom and started washing her feet, I started thinking of the story where Jesus washed the feet of His disciples.

I was reminded in that moment the power of forgiveness. Jesus says, “Love her, serve her.”

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

God is love. His love is perfect. God pursues us, even when we are not searching for Him.

I am reminded of a song by Rita Springer, “Defender”. The lyrics say:

“You go before I know, that You’ve gone to win my war, Your love becomes my greatest defense, It leads me to dry wilderness…And all I did was pray, all I did was worship, all I did was bow down, and all I did was stay still.”

The Bible tells us in the book of Philippians that a man named Paul was thrown into prison for preaching the Word of God. His response? He worshiped, he prayed, he bowed down, he stayed still.

The Bible tells us about a man named Job who lost everything. His family, his home, his livestock, all that he had here on earth was taken from him. His response? He worshiped, he prayed, he bowed down, he stayed still.

I love how Jesus chases after me, constantly pursuing me.

1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us. From the beginning in Eden, God’s love always pursued us and He continues to pursue us through the love of Jesus the Christ.“

I love that Jesus leaves the 99 to rescue the one that is lost.

Matthew 18:13 Jesus says, “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, I assure you: He rejoices over that sheep more than the 99 that didn’t go astray.“

I love that Jesus calls me His…

Jesus carried me through this valley. Jesus carried me through all the past valleys I have wondered in. “All I did was pray, all I did was bow down, all I did was worship, all I did was be still.” I don’t fear being in the valley anymore, because I know Jesus will meet me, carry me and lead me so my feet will not stumble (Proverbs 3:23). I get to experience Jesus in such a way that I would have never known if I had not walked through that valley. For that, I consider it great joy when I face trials and tribulations because I know that the testing of my faith is growing me and drawing me closer to Him (James 1:2).

My prayer for you today is that you can find the kind of peace only Jesus can bring. No matter what trial you are facing, worship, bow down, pray, be still and let Jesus come rescue you. He will meet you wherever you are. This is where you will find peace and realize: He is enough.

The Power of Forgiveness

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the encouragement and outpouring of love I have felt after my interview with The 700 Club. Something amazing happened that day! I received an email from the producer that there were 59 salvations and 118 rededications, the highest numbers the show has seen in a while! God amazes me how He continues to use my story for His glory!

I wanted to continue talking about my relationship with my mom that I mentioned in the video. When I turned 23, my mom was diagnosed with bipolar. With treatment, my mom has come a long way and I am so proud of her accomplishments as well as her braveness for seeking help. I had a better understanding of why my childhood played out the way it did. My mom was sick. She struggled with an undiagnosed mental disorder.

After my son was born, my mom became the most amazing grandmother and I was very confused and struggled with the “why”. Why didn’t she show me the love she was showing my children? After all those years, she never mentioned the past.

God showed me the power of forgiveness. I remember the exact moment that I truly forgave her. I remember how free I felt. God calls us to forgive those that hurt us, and He revealed to me that if I wanted to continue to serve Him, I needed to forgive her. I needed to free myself from the bondage of what was holding me back from completely serving God.

Ephesians 4:32 tells us, “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you.”

God spoke so clearly to me that day,” Look at all I have forgiven you for, now go forgive her.”

What a humbling moment when I remembered what Jesus did for me on the cross, what He did for my mom. After every sin I committed, every time I disobeyed Him and ignored Him, yet He still forgave me. He still loves me. He still wants me.

I deserve death for my sins, but He extended grace and mercy instead. He also calls us to do this for others here on earth. If we want to fully experience this free gift, we have to forgive. The gift of mercy, the gift of grace.

Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive people of their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing.”

Fast forward 10 years later, my mom started having memory problems. My husband, Brant, took me out to eat one night and this was still heavy on my heart. I was consumed with grief. The loss of hope that I would never hear my mom acknowledge how she treated me growing up. The two words I needed so badly to hear her say.

As we were leaving the restaurant I got in the car and I lost it. Tears streamed down my face as I longed to just to hear the two words from my mom that could help me heal from my past. Two words that could help me move past the pain. Two words I so needed to hear…

Let me tell you, God is so good.

A few months later, Mom came to visit, and we took a long ride to see parts of Nashville. It was during this ride that we started to talk. My mom explained to me why she treated me the way she did and the abuse she endured growing up and how she worried that she damaged me. Damaged me the way her mom damaged her. I grabbed her hand a told her how I forgave her a long time ago. I tried to hold back the tears that were forming under my sunglasses in hope that she wouldn’t notice. Suddenly, this burden lifted off my chest that crushed me daily for so many years. Finally, I could breathe… I know I have fallen short so many times, yet He continues to pick me up, dust me off and fill me with the strength and perseverance I need to keep down the path He has prepared for me. Without this strength, I would not be where I am today.

Psalms 46:1 “God is our refuge and our strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.”

Today, when I talk to my mom, we end our conversations with “I love you.”

Mom, if you are reading this, I am so proud of how far you have come as a person, a mom, and as a grandmother. I know your road has been full of hurt and disappointments but rest assured that you are covered by the grace and mercy of Jesus and I pray that you feel His loving arms wrapped around you daily. I love you,

Your daughter,

Stacie

For more information on Bipolar Disorder, please click here…https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar-disorders

Someone Needs to Hear Your Story

I was given an opportunity to share my story on a recent podcast by my good friends, Daniel and Christina Im. If you haven’t listened to their podcast “IMbetween”, I would love for you to check them out! “On the IMbetween podcast, you will hear conversations on marriage, parenting, faith, and everything in between.” Daniel is one of our teaching pastors at our church, The Fellowship at Mt Juliet. For those of you that have ever prayed for an encouraging and loving friendship, you understand when I say…this friendship was an answered prayer for me.

Sharing your story is hard at first, especially if you are sharing about a broken time in your life. Not only are you exposing yourself, you are also having to relive the event in your mind. This is something extremely hard for some people, I know it was for me.

BUT…

If you knew God could use your story to encourage someone who is going through something similar, wouldn’t that be worth reliving the pain? For me it was. After all that Jesus had done for me, I want to shout it out to the world! He can and WIll use your brokenness to bless someone. Sharing my story has encouraged other women to speak up and talk about their abuse. For me that was a blessing…I no longer felt alone.

We have two choices…

Turn from God. Turn our hurt and anger towards God. Miss out on an amazing opportunity to know and experience God.

Or….

2. Run to the loving arms of Jesus and allow Him to love us and comfort us.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11: 28-30.

(This picture was shown to me by a friend and it literally brought me to tears. This will be me when I get to heaven one day.)

I promise, if you run to Jesus, something new, exciting and wonderful will happen…

You become stronger. You become more wise. You find rest. You become more like Him.

Then you will discover the amazing power of Jesus and His unconditional love for us. A love like NO other love we have found on this earth. We find healing, peace, comfort and even JOY. We find our PURPOSE.

My friend it’s time. It’s time to climb out from under your hiding place. It’s time to let Jesus pull you out of the muddy pit, wash you white as snow and call you His…

And when you are ready…

Go tell the world your story. Go tell the world about the most amazing love you have found…

Jesus.

Please feel free to share your story on my comment page or email it to me. I would love to feature your story on my upcoming blog posts. Even if its not related to domestic violence, I would still love to hear your story.

Love you sweet friend,

Stacie Taylor

If you would like to listen to my interview, you can click here…

Episode 35: Learning to Trust Again (An Interview with Stacie Taylor)

If you have ever been in an abusive relationship you understand that leaving is the most difficult and most dangerous time of your life. Most women do not and will not make it out alive. I recently heard this static on a local new story after a woman, who tried to leave her abuser, was murdered.

“Domestic violence homicides, where a woman is murdered, 75-percent of those involves the woman actively leaving or trying to leave that relationship.”

This is real and this these women need our help. Sharing your story can save a life.

If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse or in an abusive relationship and need someone to talk to, please email me through my contact page on this site. I would love to speak with you and encourage you. You are not alone. Telling my friends about my abuse helped save my life. Please talk to someone.