When Jesus is enough

At the beginning of 2021, my husband and I sat down with our children and made personal goals for the year. I remember these words “be more present” repeating over and over in my mind. As I listened to the words, I asked God for confirmation. The next several weeks were silent. As my relationship with Jesus grew, I began to understand His silence is intentional, He was going to reveal His plan for me in His timing.

As I continue to grow close to Jesus, I love His unconditional and unwavering love for me. I love His desire to have a relationship with me. I love that He wants all of me. I love that He wants to show me all the wonderful things He has created for me.

A few weeks after the words “be more present” came to me, my husband and I started talking about my role in our family. I worked full time as a cardiac nurse and the stress of working through COVID was wearing on me. I was upset, angry, and disappointed in our health care system. I struggled with my role as a wife and mother. I felt emotionally unavailable for those most important to me. My job took all of me and I had nothing left to give. My husband suggested that I quit work so I can “be more present” at home and with our family. My heart was ready.

I knew this was God, so I said, “Yes, Lord”.

“Peace, sweet peace as His gentle voice reaches out to me. Sweet Peace, holds me when I’m broken.” https://youtu.be/uW6xcmqfiY4 (lyrics from “Peace” by Bethel Music)

I turned in my notice at work and I prayed. I worshiped. I bowed down as I was still. One month later, I got a phone call that my ex-husband, the biological father of my oldest two children, my abuser, had passed away. I was unsure of how I was supposed to feel knowing the man who abused me for years and left scars that I still deal with today was dead. Even though were were without contact for the past 13 years, I still worried about how my oldest two would handle this news.

Would they feel like they never had closure?

Would they question our (mine and my husband, Brant’s) decision to keep them out of his life to keep them safe?

I was angry. Here again, he was causing pain and uncertainty in our life. How was I going to protect them?

I felt God wrapping His loving arms around me as He gently whispered, “Pray, worship Me, be still and let Me take care of this.”

I said, “Yes, Lord.”

My husband and I spent the next month, along with our family and friends, praying over Hunter and Kayla, asking Jesus to prepare their hearts for this news.

As we waited and prayed, I loved having this time with my sweet husband and amazing family and friends. The love and encouragement we received was a precious reminder of how much we need others and how we are not designed to walk alone in our trials. I began thanking Jesus over and over that He removed the distraction of my JOB so I could have this time to “be more present”. A month later we told the kids the news and Jesus met us there, holding us as we talked over everything.

Was this why God had asked me to “be more present”? Little did I know, there was more…

A few weeks after we settled in with the news about Hunter and Kayla’s biological father and worked through our feeling and emotions, I get a call from my sister that my mom was on her way to the hospital. She was having left sided weakness and we soon found out that she suffered a stroke. The MRI revealed a brain tumor. They started prepping her for surgery.

That same week I would drop my oldest off at college for the first time.

I remember leaving a piece of my heart in Knoxville, Tennessee and worrying about not being able to be near. To protect him. So many emotions were overwhelming me as I grieved my son leaving home at the same time worrying about the outcome of my mom’s health.

God says, “Give him to me.”

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

After leaving my son to start his freshman year at UT Knoxville, I say my goodbyes to my husband and two daughters as I drove to NC to be with my mom. She was having surgery that day to remove the brain tumor.

Jesus again whispers, “Talk to me, worship me” as I made the two hour drive, alone.

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

I got to the hospital, the tumor was successfully removed, but she was left with left sided paralysis. Her memory was also slowly slipping from dementia. Here is a woman who was left broken from her pasted and never experienced love growing up. She never knew how to love. She too grew up unwanted and unloved.

Jesus says to me, “Go serve her.

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

As I bathed my mom and started washing her feet, I started thinking of the story where Jesus washed the feet of His disciples.

I was reminded in that moment the power of forgiveness. Jesus says, “Love her, serve her.

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

God is love. His love is perfect. God pursues us, even when we are not searching for Him.

I am reminded of a song by Rita Springer, “Defender”. The lyrics say:

“You go before I know, that You’ve gone to win my war, Your love becomes my greatest defense, It leads me to dry wilderness…And all I did was pray, all I did was worship, all I did was bow down, and all I did was stay still.”

The Bible tells us in the book of Philippians that a man named Paul was thrown into prison for preaching the Word of God. His response? He worshiped, he prayed, he bowed down, he stayed still.

The Bible tells us about a man named Job who lost everything. His family, his home, his livestock, all that he had here on earth was taken from him. His response? He worshiped, he prayed, he bowed down, he stayed still.

I love how Jesus chases after me, constantly pursuing me.

1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us. From the beginning in Eden, God’s love always pursued us and He continues to pursue us through the love of Jesus the Christ.

I love that Jesus leaves the 99 to rescue the one that is lost.

Matthew 18:13 Jesus says, “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, I assure you: He rejoices over that sheep more than the 99 that didn’t go astray.

I love that Jesus calls me His…

Jesus carried me through this valley. Jesus carried me through all the past valleys I have wondered in. “All I did was pray, all I did was bow down, all I did was worship, all I did was be still.” I don’t fear being in the valley anymore, because I know Jesus will meet me, carry me and lead me so my feet will not stumble (Proverbs 3:23). I get to experience Jesus in such a way that I would have never known if I had not walked through that valley. For that, I consider it great joy when I face trials and tribulations because I know that the testing of my faith is growing me and drawing me closer to Him (James 1:2).

My prayer for you today is that you can find the kind of peace only Jesus can bring. No matter what trial you are facing, worship, bow down, pray, be still and let Jesus come rescue you. He will meet you wherever you are. This is where you will find peace and realize: He is enough.

FAITH Vs FEAR. When the struggle is real.

The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I was asked by the CNO of my hospital to speak at an annual event that they host to support Domestic Violence Awareness. I am so excited and proud to be part of a company that acknowledges the need for recognizing and treating survivors that enter our hospital. Centennial Medical Center, here in Nashville,  has implemented a training program that equips nurses and doctors with the knowledge they need to treat survivors of domestic abuse when they enter our facility. We are being trained to properly assess for signs and symptoms of abuse and protocols are being made so that we can provide safe and effective care to those who do not have a voice.

These women come in to be treated for broken bones, cuts, and other injuries they receive by their abuser. Most are brought in by their abuser and lie about how they  were injured out of fear of further punishment when they get home. I cannot tell you how excited I am to see this change! So proud of you Centennial Medical Center!

I was a little nervous about speaking, most of you know that my story is a story of God’s redemption and this was not a faith based event. I tell my story because God gave me this amazing story. How could I not mention His name, after all, He is the author.

Thirty minutes prior to my speech, I sat sipping hot tea. I was recovering from a cold and had lost my voice. My voice was not back completely and I felt that the enemy was trying every tactic he could to keep me from sharing my story. I shared my heart with God while sipping my tea and then Psalms 18 came to me. I pulled out my phone and opened my Bible app. Psalms 18 is a very special passage to me. After God delivered me from my abuser, He showed me Psalms 18 as if He wrote this just for me. It was my love letter from God.

I started to read:

“I love you, LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I called to the LORD, who is worthy of my praise, and I was saved from my enemies. The ropes of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. I called out to the LORD in my distress, and I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears” (verses 1-6)

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He brought my out to a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me” (verses 16-19)

“The LORD lives – blessed be my rock! He frees me from my enemies, You exalt me above my adversaries: you rescue me from the violent man” (verses 46, 48)

Now you understand my love for Psalms 18. God reminded me in that moment what He did for me. He reminded me that I am who I am today because of Him. Nothing in this world carried me through the last 10 years like He did. I owe my all to my LORD. I found strength from Psalms 18 that day as God reminded me of all He brought me through. I spoke as if I was speaking to a church full of believers. I quoted scripture and I gave all the glory to God during that speech. I had never felt such peace as I stood there proclaiming the Truth. And as for my voice, I had a microphone so I didn’t have to yell!

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After my speech, I was amazed by the outpouring of support that I received. One lady came to thank me for sharing my story and told me God spoke through me. That was just what I needed to hear. That was the most amazing feeling, I knew that I did what God had called me to do. Several doors opened up for me that day and I know God orchestrated every detail. After all, He is God and He can do anything.

I cannot wait to meet Him face to face and my hope is to hear Him say “well done my daughter, my faithful servant.” Occasionally, I have to be reminded of that goal because I know that I fail Him daily.  But the most beautiful part is…

He never fails me.

Someone Needs to Hear Your Story

I was given an opportunity to share my story on a recent podcast by my good friends, Daniel and Christina Im.  If you haven’t listened to their podcast “IMbetween”, I would love for you to check them out! “On the IMbetween podcast, you will hear conversations on marriage, parenting, faith, and everything in between.” Daniel is one of our teaching pastors at our church, The Fellowship at Mt Juliet. For those of you that have ever prayed for an encouraging and loving friendship, you understand when I say…this friendship was an answered prayer for me.

Sharing your story is hard at first, especially if you are sharing about a broken time in your life. Not only are you exposing yourself, you are also having to relive the event in your mind. This is something extremely hard for some people, I know it was for me.

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If you knew God could use your story to encourage someone who is going through something similar, wouldn’t that be worth reliving the pain? For me it was. After all that Jesus had done for me, I want to shout it out to the world! He can and WIll use your brokenness to bless someone. Sharing my story has encouraged other women to speak up and talk about their abuse. For me that was a blessing…I no longer felt alone.

We have two choices…

  1. Turn from God. Turn our hurt and anger towards God.  Miss out on an amazing opportunity to know and experience God.

                                                              Or….

     2. Run to the loving arms of Jesus and allow Him to love us and comfort us.

Jesus said, “Come to meall you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11: 28-30.2bfe4a1bf2f60f0798007fd2b7ba52bc

(This picture was shown to me by a friend and it literally brought me to tears. This will be me when I get to heaven one day.)

I promise, if you run to Jesus, something new, exciting and wonderful will happen…

You become stronger. You become more wise. You find rest. You become more like Him.

Then you will discover the amazing power of Jesus and His unconditional love for us. A love like NO other love we have found on this earth. We find healing, peace, comfort and even JOY. We find our PURPOSE.

My friend it’s time. It’s time to climb out from under your hiding place. It’s time to let Jesus pull you out of the muddy pit, wash you white as snow and call you His…

And when you are ready…

Go tell the world your story. Go tell the world about the most amazing love you have found…

Jesus.

Please feel free to share your story on my comment page or email it to me.  I would love to feature your story on my upcoming blog posts. Even if its not related to domestic violence, I would still love to hear your story.

Love you sweet friend,

Stacie Taylor

If you would like to listen to my interview, you can click here…

Episode 35: Learning to Trust Again (An Interview with Stacie Taylor)

 

If you have ever been in an abusive relationship you understand that leaving is the most difficult and most dangerous time of your life. Most women do not and will not make it out alive. I recently heard this static on a local new story after a woman, who tried to leave her abuser, was murdered.

“Domestic violence homicides, where a woman is murdered, 75-percent of those involves the woman actively leaving or trying to leave that relationship.”

This is real and this these women need our help. Sharing your story can save a life.

If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse or in an abusive relationship and need someone to talk to, please email me through my contact page on this site. I would love to speak with you and encourage you. You are not alone. Telling my friends about my abuse helped save my life. Please talk to someone.