Author: Stacie Taylor

When Jesus is enough

At the beginning of 2021, my husband and I sat down with our children and made personal goals for the year. I remember these words “be more present” repeating over and over in my mind. As I listened to the words, I asked God for confirmation. The next several weeks were silent. As my relationship with Jesus grew, I began to understand His silence is intentional, He was going to reveal His plan for me in His timing.

As I continue to grow close to Jesus, I love His unconditional and unwavering love for me. I love His desire to have a relationship with me. I love that He wants all of me. I love that He wants to show me all the wonderful things He has created for me.

A few weeks after the words “be more present” came to me, my husband and I started talking about my role in our family. I worked full time as a cardiac nurse and the stress of working through COVID was wearing on me. I was upset, angry, and disappointed in our health care system. I struggled with my role as a wife and mother. I felt emotionally unavailable for those most important to me. My job took all of me and I had nothing left to give. My husband suggested that I quit work so I can “be more present” at home and with our family. My heart was ready.

I knew this was God, so I said, “Yes, Lord”.

“Peace, sweet peace as His gentle voice reaches out to me. Sweet Peace, holds me when I’m broken.” https://youtu.be/uW6xcmqfiY4 (lyrics from “Peace” by Bethel Music)

I turned in my notice at work and I prayed. I worshiped. I bowed down as I was still. One month later, I got a phone call that my ex-husband, the biological father of my oldest two children, my abuser, had passed away. I was unsure of how I was supposed to feel knowing the man who abused me for years and left scars that I still deal with today was dead. Even though were were without contact for the past 13 years, I still worried about how my oldest two would handle this news.

Would they feel like they never had closure?

Would they question our (mine and my husband, Brant’s) decision to keep them out of his life to keep them safe?

I was angry. Here again, he was causing pain and uncertainty in our life. How was I going to protect them?

I felt God wrapping His loving arms around me as He gently whispered, “Pray, worship Me, be still and let Me take care of this.”

I said, “Yes, Lord.”

My husband and I spent the next month, along with our family and friends, praying over Hunter and Kayla, asking Jesus to prepare their hearts for this news.

As we waited and prayed, I loved having this time with my sweet husband and amazing family and friends. The love and encouragement we received was a precious reminder of how much we need others and how we are not designed to walk alone in our trials. I began thanking Jesus over and over that He removed the distraction of my JOB so I could have this time to “be more present”. A month later we told the kids the news and Jesus met us there, holding us as we talked over everything.

Was this why God had asked me to “be more present”? Little did I know, there was more…

A few weeks after we settled in with the news about Hunter and Kayla’s biological father and worked through our feeling and emotions, I get a call from my sister that my mom was on her way to the hospital. She was having left sided weakness and we soon found out that she suffered a stroke. The MRI revealed a brain tumor. They started prepping her for surgery.

That same week I would drop my oldest off at college for the first time.

I remember leaving a piece of my heart in Knoxville, Tennessee and worrying about not being able to be near. To protect him. So many emotions were overwhelming me as I grieved my son leaving home at the same time worrying about the outcome of my mom’s health.

God says, “Give him to me.”

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

After leaving my son to start his freshman year at UT Knoxville, I say my goodbyes to my husband and two daughters as I drove to NC to be with my mom. She was having surgery that day to remove the brain tumor.

Jesus again whispers, “Talk to me, worship me” as I made the two hour drive, alone.

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

I got to the hospital, the tumor was successfully removed, but she was left with left sided paralysis. Her memory was also slowly slipping from dementia. Here is a woman who was left broken from her pasted and never experienced love growing up. She never knew how to love. She too grew up unwanted and unloved.

Jesus says to me, “Go serve her.”

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

As I bathed my mom and started washing her feet, I started thinking of the story where Jesus washed the feet of His disciples.

I was reminded in that moment the power of forgiveness. Jesus says, “Love her, serve her.”

And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

God is love. His love is perfect. God pursues us, even when we are not searching for Him.

I am reminded of a song by Rita Springer, “Defender”. The lyrics say:

“You go before I know, that You’ve gone to win my war, Your love becomes my greatest defense, It leads me to dry wilderness…And all I did was pray, all I did was worship, all I did was bow down, and all I did was stay still.”

The Bible tells us in the book of Philippians that a man named Paul was thrown into prison for preaching the Word of God. His response? He worshiped, he prayed, he bowed down, he stayed still.

The Bible tells us about a man named Job who lost everything. His family, his home, his livestock, all that he had here on earth was taken from him. His response? He worshiped, he prayed, he bowed down, he stayed still.

I love how Jesus chases after me, constantly pursuing me.

1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us. From the beginning in Eden, God’s love always pursued us and He continues to pursue us through the love of Jesus the Christ.“

I love that Jesus leaves the 99 to rescue the one that is lost.

Matthew 18:13 Jesus says, “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, I assure you: He rejoices over that sheep more than the 99 that didn’t go astray.“

I love that Jesus calls me His…

Jesus carried me through this valley. Jesus carried me through all the past valleys I have wondered in. “All I did was pray, all I did was bow down, all I did was worship, all I did was be still.” I don’t fear being in the valley anymore, because I know Jesus will meet me, carry me and lead me so my feet will not stumble (Proverbs 3:23). I get to experience Jesus in such a way that I would have never known if I had not walked through that valley. For that, I consider it great joy when I face trials and tribulations because I know that the testing of my faith is growing me and drawing me closer to Him (James 1:2).

My prayer for you today is that you can find the kind of peace only Jesus can bring. No matter what trial you are facing, worship, bow down, pray, be still and let Jesus come rescue you. He will meet you wherever you are. This is where you will find peace and realize: He is enough.

The Power of Forgiveness

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the encouragement and outpouring of love I have felt after my interview with The 700 Club. Something amazing happened that day! I received an email from the producer that there were 59 salvations and 118 rededications, the highest numbers the show has seen in a while! God amazes me how He continues to use my story for His glory!

I wanted to continue talking about my relationship with my mom that I mentioned in the video. When I turned 23, my mom was diagnosed with bipolar. With treatment, my mom has come a long way and I am so proud of her accomplishments as well as her braveness for seeking help. I had a better understanding of why my childhood played out the way it did. My mom was sick. She struggled with an undiagnosed mental disorder.

After my son was born, my mom became the most amazing grandmother and I was very confused and struggled with the “why”. Why didn’t she show me the love she was showing my children? After all those years, she never mentioned the past.

God showed me the power of forgiveness. I remember the exact moment that I truly forgave her. I remember how free I felt. God calls us to forgive those that hurt us, and He revealed to me that if I wanted to continue to serve Him, I needed to forgive her. I needed to free myself from the bondage of what was holding me back from completely serving God.

Ephesians 4:32 tells us, “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you.”

God spoke so clearly to me that day,” Look at all I have forgiven you for, now go forgive her.”

What a humbling moment when I remembered what Jesus did for me on the cross, what He did for my mom. After every sin I committed, every time I disobeyed Him and ignored Him, yet He still forgave me. He still loves me. He still wants me.

I deserve death for my sins, but He extended grace and mercy instead. He also calls us to do this for others here on earth. If we want to fully experience this free gift, we have to forgive. The gift of mercy, the gift of grace.

Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive people of their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing.”

Fast forward 10 years later, my mom started having memory problems. My husband, Brant, took me out to eat one night and this was still heavy on my heart. I was consumed with grief. The loss of hope that I would never hear my mom acknowledge how she treated me growing up. The two words I needed so badly to hear her say.

As we were leaving the restaurant I got in the car and I lost it. Tears streamed down my face as I longed to just to hear the two words from my mom that could help me heal from my past. Two words that could help me move past the pain. Two words I so needed to hear…

Let me tell you, God is so good.

A few months later, Mom came to visit, and we took a long ride to see parts of Nashville. It was during this ride that we started to talk. My mom explained to me why she treated me the way she did and the abuse she endured growing up and how she worried that she damaged me. Damaged me the way her mom damaged her. I grabbed her hand a told her how I forgave her a long time ago. I tried to hold back the tears that were forming under my sunglasses in hope that she wouldn’t notice. Suddenly, this burden lifted off my chest that crushed me daily for so many years. Finally, I could breathe… I know I have fallen short so many times, yet He continues to pick me up, dust me off and fill me with the strength and perseverance I need to keep down the path He has prepared for me. Without this strength, I would not be where I am today.

Psalms 46:1 “God is our refuge and our strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.”

Today, when I talk to my mom, we end our conversations with “I love you.”

Mom, if you are reading this, I am so proud of how far you have come as a person, a mom, and as a grandmother. I know your road has been full of hurt and disappointments but rest assured that you are covered by the grace and mercy of Jesus and I pray that you feel His loving arms wrapped around you daily. I love you,

Your daughter,

Stacie

S

For more information on Bipolar Disorder, please click here…https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar-disorders

FAITH Vs FEAR. When the struggle is real.

The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I was asked by the CNO of my hospital to speak at an annual event that they host to support Domestic Violence Awareness. I am so excited and proud to be part of a company that acknowledges the need for recognizing and treating survivors that enter our hospital. Centennial Medical Center, here in Nashville,  has implemented a training program that equips nurses and doctors with the knowledge they need to treat survivors of domestic abuse when they enter our facility. We are being trained to properly assess for signs and symptoms of abuse and protocols are being made so that we can provide safe and effective care to those who do not have a voice.

These women come in to be treated for broken bones, cuts, and other injuries they receive by their abuser. Most are brought in by their abuser and lie about how they  were injured out of fear of further punishment when they get home. I cannot tell you how excited I am to see this change! So proud of you Centennial Medical Center!

I was a little nervous about speaking, most of you know that my story is a story of God’s redemption and this was not a faith based event. I tell my story because God gave me this amazing story. How could I not mention His name, after all, He is the author.

Thirty minutes prior to my speech, I sat sipping hot tea. I was recovering from a cold and had lost my voice. My voice was not back completely and I felt that the enemy was trying every tactic he could to keep me from sharing my story. I shared my heart with God while sipping my tea and then Psalms 18 came to me. I pulled out my phone and opened my Bible app. Psalms 18 is a very special passage to me. After God delivered me from my abuser, He showed me Psalms 18 as if He wrote this just for me. It was my love letter from God.

I started to read:

“I love you, LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I called to the LORD, who is worthy of my praise, and I was saved from my enemies. The ropes of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. I called out to the LORD in my distress, and I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears” (verses 1-6)

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He brought my out to a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me” (verses 16-19)

“The LORD lives – blessed be my rock! He frees me from my enemies, You exalt me above my adversaries: you rescue me from the violent man” (verses 46, 48)

Now you understand my love for Psalms 18. God reminded me in that moment what He did for me. He reminded me that I am who I am today because of Him. Nothing in this world carried me through the last 10 years like He did. I owe my all to my LORD. I found strength from Psalms 18 that day as God reminded me of all He brought me through. I spoke as if I was speaking to a church full of believers. I quoted scripture and I gave all the glory to God during that speech. I had never felt such peace as I stood there proclaiming the Truth. And as for my voice, I had a microphone so I didn’t have to yell!

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After my speech, I was amazed by the outpouring of support that I received. One lady came to thank me for sharing my story and told me God spoke through me. That was just what I needed to hear. That was the most amazing feeling, I knew that I did what God had called me to do. Several doors opened up for me that day and I know God orchestrated every detail. After all, He is God and He can do anything.

I cannot wait to meet Him face to face and my hope is to hear Him say “well done my daughter, my faithful servant.” Occasionally, I have to be reminded of that goal because I know that I fail Him daily.  But the most beautiful part is…

He never fails me.

Someone Needs to Hear Your Story

I was given an opportunity to share my story on a recent podcast by my good friends, Daniel and Christina Im.  If you haven’t listened to their podcast “IMbetween”, I would love for you to check them out! “On the IMbetween podcast, you will hear conversations on marriage, parenting, faith, and everything in between.” Daniel is one of our teaching pastors at our church, The Fellowship at Mt Juliet. For those of you that have ever prayed for an encouraging and loving friendship, you understand when I say…this friendship was an answered prayer for me.

Sharing your story is hard at first, especially if you are sharing about a broken time in your life. Not only are you exposing yourself, you are also having to relive the event in your mind. This is something extremely hard for some people, I know it was for me.

BUT…Episode-35-Quote-Image-2-1024x1024

If you knew God could use your story to encourage someone who is going through something similar, wouldn’t that be worth reliving the pain? For me it was. After all that Jesus had done for me, I want to shout it out to the world! He can and WIll use your brokenness to bless someone. Sharing my story has encouraged other women to speak up and talk about their abuse. For me that was a blessing…I no longer felt alone.

We have two choices…

  1. Turn from God. Turn our hurt and anger towards God.  Miss out on an amazing opportunity to know and experience God.

                                                              Or….

     2. Run to the loving arms of Jesus and allow Him to love us and comfort us.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11: 28-30.2bfe4a1bf2f60f0798007fd2b7ba52bc

(This picture was shown to me by a friend and it literally brought me to tears. This will be me when I get to heaven one day.)

I promise, if you run to Jesus, something new, exciting and wonderful will happen…

You become stronger. You become more wise. You find rest. You become more like Him.

Then you will discover the amazing power of Jesus and His unconditional love for us. A love like NO other love we have found on this earth. We find healing, peace, comfort and even JOY. We find our PURPOSE.

My friend it’s time. It’s time to climb out from under your hiding place. It’s time to let Jesus pull you out of the muddy pit, wash you white as snow and call you His…

And when you are ready…

Go tell the world your story. Go tell the world about the most amazing love you have found…

Jesus.

Please feel free to share your story on my comment page or email it to me.  I would love to feature your story on my upcoming blog posts. Even if its not related to domestic violence, I would still love to hear your story.

Love you sweet friend,

Stacie Taylor

If you would like to listen to my interview, you can click here…

Episode 35: Learning to Trust Again (An Interview with Stacie Taylor)

 

If you have ever been in an abusive relationship you understand that leaving is the most difficult and most dangerous time of your life. Most women do not and will not make it out alive. I recently heard this static on a local new story after a woman, who tried to leave her abuser, was murdered.

“Domestic violence homicides, where a woman is murdered, 75-percent of those involves the woman actively leaving or trying to leave that relationship.”

This is real and this these women need our help. Sharing your story can save a life.

If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse or in an abusive relationship and need someone to talk to, please email me through my contact page on this site. I would love to speak with you and encourage you. You are not alone. Telling my friends about my abuse helped save my life. Please talk to someone.

Internal Battles

Brant and I would have disagreements, just like all marriages, but instead of working through things, I would shut down emotionally. For me, shutting down emotionally was a way to protect myself from feeling. I was tired of hurting. All it took was one word, just one word to trigger a memory from my past and bring me back to a very dark time. Poor Brant, he had no idea, he was so confused. He felt like I was comparing him to my ex, which was very hurtful to him.

I finally realized how much I was hurting him and I knew I needed to help him understand the emotional battle that was going on inside of me. I started opening up to him about details of my abuse, the very dark hurtful memories that I had never told anyone. It was very hard for me to talk about because along with the memories came the feelings I had experienced during that actual moment. Feelings that I never want to “feel” again. To my surprise, Brant’s response was so sweet. He was so comforting and made me feel safe. We connected on a different level that day and was actually very healing for me.

I had a hard time opening up to Brant because of the shame I felt and fear of his rejection. I feared that he would look at me differently. I feared he would see me as broken, too broken for him.

In the Bible, John 10:10 tells us that the enemy is here to “steal, kill and destroy”, Satan wants nothing more than to destroy my marriage. Attacks from the enemy are very real. “You should have never married him, he deserves better. You are better off alone, that way you won’t disappoint anyone anymore. You have been nothing but a disappointment from the time you were born.”

I find myself saying this more times than I would like…but it works! “Satan, get behind me in the name of Jesus!”

I then hear a small, very familiar voice say, “Let him love you.”

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me,” John 10:27-28

Brant now has a better understanding of my past and the frequent internal battles I face. He’s able to help me realize that these thoughts are lies! Lies the enemy wants me to believe. And I cannot let the enemy win! Not today, Satan!

James 1:2 says….”Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I absolutely LOVE the book of James. I find so much comfort during my times of despair and encourage anyone who is needing comfort to read this book. This verse is so true. Giving thanks during my trials allows me to surrender my past and pain to Jesus. There is so much power in the name of Jesus. Power that will overcome the enemy every single time. If you are struggling with the darkness of your past, please remember that there is a God who wants to fight this battle for you. Let Him! I promise you wont be disappointed.

I know the loneliness that comes with surviving something very terrifying. It’s difficult when you are surrounded by people who don’t understand. It’s not that they don’t want to understand, they really do. Be thankful they have not experienced your battles, your pain and your fear. Let them love you through it. I’m here if you need someone to talk to, please email me on my contact page. You are not alone.

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I HAVE TO BELIEVE

John 10:10 says that the enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy.  The enemy will use our past hurts and disappointments against us to bring depression, fear and loneliness.  Even though I have been released from my past, I still struggle with the attacks of the enemy. Thoughts creep into my head, unwanted thoughts that wake me at night. Thoughts that make me question my identity.

Its during these times that I have to remember who God is….

I have to believe
That He sees my darkness
I have to believe
He knows my pain
I have to lift up
My hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare
That He is my refuge
I have to deny
That I am alone
I have to lift up
My eyes to the mountain
It’s where my help comes from
Oh yeah
He said that He’s forever faithful
He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too
Oh, I have to stand tall
When the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong
When I’m weak and afraid
I have to grab hold
Ahold of the garments
The garments of praise
I know, I know, I know
Cause He said that He’s forever faithful
And He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too
                           RITA SPRINGER

Giving Back

I typed the address into my GPS as I sat in my car in the grocery store parking lot with a trunk full of groceries. My heart was full of joy, uncertainty, and fear.  I drove down a secluded alley in a not-so-safe part of town and pulled up to a gated door covered in faux greenery. I reread the directions over and over again making sure I had the correct address. My heart was ready to give! This is what God had been preparing me for. This is part of His plan. I was taking part of the proceeds from my book sales to feed several women who are going through one of the most difficult times of their lives. This place is a crisis center for survivors of domestic violence. This place will be the start of my ministry.

I want to thank you for opening your hearts to my ministry. I want to thank you for allowing God to use you.

I found “The Mary Parrish Center” online and immediately felt the urge to fill out the attached volunteer application. I knew this was something God was calling me to do.

In the past, thinking of a moment such as this, I had excitement! I was ready and willing to do whatever and go wherever God called me to do. But to my surprise, I sat with a heavy heart.

It would be a few weeks before I heard back from the company after submitting my volunteer application. During that time, the enemy tried his best to steal my joy. One thing that I have recently experienced is how hard the enemy will try to stop you from doing what God has called you to do. Now that I am telling the world my story, I have learned that I have to put on the full armor of God daily to defeat this fear.

Fear is something I am very familiar with and when I think I have overcome this, the enemy finds a new way to attack. He is out to steal, he is out to kill and he is out to destroy me and this ministry God has called me to do. I know that writing the Word of God on my heart and responding with Gods truths will make the enemy flee. So many times I have had to say out loud, “Satan, get behind me in the name of Jesus Christ!” I love that the enemy trembles when he hears my Father’s name. I love that no matter what I am facing I can call out the most powerful name, Jesus, and my heart will fill with peace.

The enemy does not want me to tell my story.

People who are reading this book are feeling the presence of God. They are being encouraged in their faith. I have had so many tell me that this is one of the most inspiring books they have ever read. No, I am not bragging on myself. I am bragging on how wonderful God is because He wrote this book. Every word on every page was placed on my heart by Him. He gets all the glory here, and I am just His servant. One thing I want people to understand is that this book is not about me, this book will not make me famous or well known. This book is about the power and love of Jesus. I have not received any profit from this book. You see,  I am already famous and well known in my Fathers eyes and nothing of this world can bring me greater joy than that. When I receive a message from those who have read my story, and they have been encourage to grow closer to God, I know that was His plan for my story.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for helping me serve the women of the Mary Parrish Center. For more information about the Mary Parrish Center or if you would like to volunteer, I have attached the link to their website below.

On November 29th, I will be hosting a Spa Night for the ladies of The Mary Parrish Center with the help of a friend. I am excited for the opportunity to serve these women and give a message of hope. Help me pray that hearts will be changed and these women will be covered in protection and strength as they continue their journey.

The Mary Parrish Center

A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER..

My daughter, Kayla, gave me a journal last year for Mother’s Day. For the past year, I have written letters to her and notes as I study the Bible. My plan is to fill the journal and give it to her for her 16th birthday (she will be 13 this month).

I wanted to share with you my letter to her today. One thing that I want to be to my children is real. I don’t want them to think that I’m this perfect mom that has it all together because they need to understand that that person does not exist. There is only one perfect person that walked this earth and it is not me. I like to tell stories of my past to my kids when I see them struggle. I want them to know I understand what they are going through because I was once their age and I know their struggle. I want them to know my mistakes and the consequences it caused me.

My son said something to me that really bothered me one day. After hearing one of my “imperfect childhood stories”, my son says, “Wow Mom, I always pictured you as this perfect person.”  Part of me wanted to be flattered by this view of his mother, but the other part of my heart broke. I knew I needed to be more “real” to my children. I need to start owning up to my mistakes, such as apologizing to them for times that I lose my temper and yell and for times that I overreact to a situation. I need them to know that there is no perfect person in this world. “Perfect Christians” do not exist. One of my goals as a parent is to be real with my kids. I want them to see my struggles and how I deal with them through my faith. I want them to see my mess and how I turn to God for help. I want them to see where I get my strength from in times I feel defeated, hoping that they too will turn to God during their times of struggle.

Instead of telling them how to live out their faith, I am going to show them, just like I did in my letter to my daughter that I wrote this morning…

“Kayla,

Today I am struggling. I have felt distant from God recently because I have not been spending time with Him daily. My heart is aching for His companionship. I miss His presence and I feel myself slipping into a deep sorrow. I know and understand that my sorrow is a result of my distance from God. If i don’t take time for Him daily, my joy starts to fade. So, today I picked up my Bible and started to read. Its been a few weeks since I have read my Bible and the world has really brought me down. I am (as you are also) not of this world. This world brings temporary, short-lived joy that leaves you searching for the next best thing. This week I have let the enemy consume me with worry and doubt as I feel myself wanting to take charge and make decisions on my own without seeking God’s counsel. I do this even though I know I need to be still and let God work out the details. I started reading 2 Corinthians and with my highlighter, I half heartedly highlighted the verses that seemed important to me. My heart was not in it. I was tired from the last several weeks of busyness. I felt the distractions of the world calling out to me. My phone notifications highlighted the screen and without hesitation I reached for my phone and start scrolling through my notifications. I miss you and Hunter (you are at student camp) and I wanted to text you both. Then, I realized that the enemy is doing whatever he can to keep me out of the Word. I then said “Satan get behind me in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord.” I started to pray and ask God to fill me with the joy of my salvation and I begged Him, through tears, to give me His strength. Immediately, I felt better. I wiped the tears from my eyes and went back to the verses I had highlighted, the words I so needed to hear. This is where I found my strength.

“Therefore, since we have this ministry because we were shown mercy, we do not give up.” 2 Cor. 4:1.

“We are pressured in every way but not crushed; We are perplexed but not in despair: we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. We will always carry the death of Jesus in our body. For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus’ life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you.” 2 Cor. 4: 8-12.

“Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.” 2 Cor. 4:16.

I hope you understand that even adults don’t always have it all together. We lose sight of the important things in life. This is okay, God knows that we struggle with this. Thats why He promises to NEVER leave nor forsake us. He is always waiting for us to turn back to Him and He will ALWAYS welcome us back with open arms. One of His promises is Jeremiah 29:3 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Never forget where to find Him. Love you so much.

Love, your not so perfect Mom. “

An Exposed Heart.

I often found myself not fully exposing my heart to God during prayer. I would hide my true feelings regarding the subject of discussion during my talk with Him and often found myself apologizing for my negative thoughts or feelings. I worried that God would condemn me for the negative thoughts that were tucked away in the back of my mind. I only wanted to give God my best and I felt that bringing Him the negative, ugly side of me was not accepting or pleasing to Him. This became very troubling for me and I would feel myself slipping back into my low self-worth state of mind that God removed from me so long ago.

I started reading through Psalms during my quiet time one day and noticed that the author, David, was very forward about his feelings for his enemies. He was asking at times, and even begging, for God to pour out His wrath on them. This seemed so wrong to me. I started talking to God about how this seems so contradicting to the way we are taught to pray. As I kept reading, I came to the commentary on the side of my study Bible.  The author was writing about this very thought that I was struggling with, this way of prayer that David was executing, this can be confusing to a believer’s heart as we are taught to love and pray for those who persecute us.

God then showed me several truths to keep in mind when studying through Psalms, or any part of the Bible:

1. God wants us to express our emotions to Him, and ONLY Him. Even those feelings of ugliness… ONLY IN PRAYER!

2. Remember that it’s the Lord’s place to punish people — not ours. David never harmed anyone — he called for the Lord to.

3. Remember that those who choose not to love God will be judged by God — we are not called to judge.

4. Remember that God loves His people and will work things out for our good. He has your best interests at heart.

God’s desire is for us to be open and honest in with Him at all times. He knows our thoughts and feelings anyway, so no need to hide it from Him! We need to be real and let Him into our ugly. That’s when we will see a true transformation happen in our relationship with Him as He works out things for our good. And that is His ultimate desire, to grow closer to us.

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!” Psalms 139:1-6

What the enemy does not want you to know..

Welcome to my first blog post! Since the release of my book, I have had so many sweet responses from you guys and I just want to thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I have been so overwhelmed with the support and love from everyone! Thank you so much! Excited to see what God does!!

I wanted to share what that I learned during my study of 1 Corinthians. I will be honest here and tell you that I struggled with this book. When I start a study, I pick a book in the Bible and I started paraphrasing every verse.  In Corinthians, I found myself wanting to rush through it because it was soo long and it was going to take me forever! And, I wasn’t getting that WOW moment that I feel when God speaks to me through a passage in the Bible. God really convicted me one day to go back and highlighted the main points in my journal that I had paraphrased. Oh. My. Goodness… The enemy had been distracting me!! I started to re-write the main points.  I was in tears after reading all the goodness that flowed from those pages! The enemy did NOT want me to see this! This stuff is powerful and I’m so thankful that God opened my eyes and my heart that day. I want to share with you some of what He showed me. These are just a few:

-Love others, even in their sin. (This is how people know you have Christ in you) 1 Cor. 1:4-7.

-God promises strength until He comes back for us. 1 Cor. 1:8.

-God has called you to have a relationship with Him through Jesus. 1 Cor. 1:9.

-There is no one greater than Christ. CHRIST = POWER & WISDOM OF GOD. 1 Cor. 1:17.

-Nonbelievers of Christ think the message of Christ = foolishness because they can’t understand. 1 Cor. 1:18, 2:14.

-Believers think the message of Christ = POWER.  1 Cor. 1:18.

-Even the wisest men fail in comparison to God’s wisdom and perfection. 1 Cor. 1:25.

-God chooses the week and unpopular to do His work. 1 Cor. 26-27.

-The Holy Spirit will tell you what to say and do. We have the MIND of CHRIST! 1 Cor. 2:5, 2:15-16.

-The Lord knows the heart of ALL people. 1 Cor. 3:20.

-Do NOT judge others. 1 Cor. 4:5.

-Do not brag. If you do brag- brag about what God has done for you. 1 Cor. 4:6.

-Imitate Christ. 1 Cor. 4:16.

-Glorify God with your body. 1 Cor. 6:20.

-YOU CANT UNDO WHAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO DO. 1 Cor. 7:18-21.

-You were bought with a price when Christ died for you on the cross. Do not become slaves of men, you belong to God. 1 Cor. 7:23

-Keep God first in your life, no matter where you are called. 1 Cor. 7:24.

-ALL things are from Him, we exist from Him. There is ONE Lord, His name is Jesus Christ. 1 Cor. 8:7.

Write these words on your heart and live them out. These are instructions God has given us to live by. If we choose to live like this, we find happiness and joy, but most importantly, strength to make it through our day. That is my favorite promise of God!  Nothing in this world can give us Joy the way God can. His strength and power is greater than anything in this world.

WE EXIST FOR HIM…